Christmas 2013

With ice storms in Ontario and thousands without hydro, how grateful am I that I have been able to spend Christmas in Raleigh with sister, Molly, and her kids and friends. I had to make the traditional Christmas card photo in front of the fireplace – smiles.

And I had to include my faithful bud, Peanut, who continues to travel with me on my adventures. For those who are not familiar with Peanut, check YouTube search for Jeff Dunham. It will make you laugh.

Molly’s grandchildren posed in numbered shirts to reflect eight wonderful girls and boys who blessed the Christmas pandemonium. Good food and great company.

From left and oldest to youngest: Kore Marie, Sterling, Leah, Curtis, Inari, Nathan, Zander. Missing number 3 tuned in by Skype: Kayia. How CUTE!

And when the food is good, relaxing afterwards is mandatory.

Lunch With Aunt Maude

Life is full of chances. Sometimes we just don’t take enough before it’s too late!

I had the greatest opportunity to have lunch with my Aunt Maude. She is turning 98 on December 29th. When I called my cousin to arrange a visit, I suggested that my sister and I would come to the house to see them. My cousin, Ruth, said oh no, she will want to meet you guys half way at a Cracker Barrel. That meant an hour and a half drive for them and us, each way.

When they arrived, I found out that Maude had fallen some six weeks ago and cracked her pelvis, so she was using a walker. This perfect women had left the hospital and come home for no more than a couple of days before she announced, “That’s enough of that”, and got up to get on with her life. How determined is that? She is such a go-getter and so is her daughter, Ruth. Neither of them can sit still very long.

I noticed that she had a smile on her face and was just happy to be alive and kicking. So many elderly people fall and break something and that is it. They become bedridden and get pneumonia and succumb. My sister says that Maude has always been the happiest person. She has always been my favorite aunt, and I told her so. As we were leaving, she said, I am just so happy you came for a visit. Tears, right?

It reinforces my belief that happiness, genuine happiness that comes from the soul, increases longevity. That is just one of the reasons I look for humor and excitement in everyday events, starting from as soon as I wake up and announce that something really wonderfully exciting is going to happen today. It is then that I expect and find wonderfully exciting things happening all day. It is just a great feeling of accomplishment when I can say about something that turns out to be really exciting, “There, I knew something really wonderfully exciting was going to happen today!

Although I recognize that I come from a long living family stock, most of my relatives have become infirmed and passed away at a much younger age than my Aunt Maude. I want to grow up to be just like her!

Sister Molly Recording Family History

Kids; I have told you that siblings are not chosen by us and more than likely, most people tolerate their siblings more than have them as best friends.

My sister, Molly, and I have always seen more eye to eye than our brothers.

Here is a recording I made of her telling the history of our mother shortly after I moved to Raleigh, NC in Oct 2013

On Tears

Emotions are part of the human experience. They are not bad nor good, they just are. Laughter can lead to a flow of tears. So can joy, sadness, anger, pain and loss. Real men don’t cry, so my eyes just sweat a lot.

I have always been an emotional guy. Some women take that for sensitivity. Some take it for weakness. Me, I take it for experiencing the most that life has to offer at any given moment.

Often over the years, I have been embarrassed to express feelings to the point of tears. Try as hard as I can, I just cannot turn off that overwhelming feeling that bubbles to the surface like lava from a volcano, under great pressure that cannot withstand being held at bay under any circumstances. I’m not talking about the wetness that turns the eyes red. I’m talking about the wetness that runs down the cheeks and requires a sleeve to sop up the excess.

My tears can come from something as simple and un-daring as singing the national anthem. There are songs that I have learned to sing that took me dozens of rehearsals to eliminate the uncontrolled spilling of emotion. And don’t even try to stop the flow of tears when it comes to talking about family. I’m an emotional guy and still feel the need to apologize for it.

My sister Molly says that when two people tear up, it is the divine in each that is touched and connected. I agree. All I have to do is watch an old Johnny Carson show and watch him laugh to the point of tears over something that his guest would say. There is something that happens at a soul level that brings us all to the same level of humanity.

If anecdotes are the snippets of life that have significant meaning, then I say learn to laugh to the point of tears, as well as wetly express that undulating sob from the bottom of your being when wrought with pain. Your soul needs the release for both.

On Death & Dying

One of the profound discoveries we all make as we get older is that none of us are going to make it out alive. I often tell people that I expect to live to be 120 and shot by a jealous husband. It’s a joke, son.

Somehow, I think we all know deep down that all that there is about our existence, falls into the knowledge that it is always NOW! No matter how much we want to believe differently, we come into this existence by ourselves and go out on our own. Oh sure, if we are lucky, there is someone there to help us enter into this world, and hopefully, there will be someone we love close to us as we leave this plane of the universe and enter into the next. This reality, in my opinion, is that we come in alone, and exit alone. That should not be a fearful event, but a cheerful event as we look forward to the next adventure of our spirit. I do believe that we are spiritual beings in the process of changing and experiencing this journey.

Yesterday I was reminded of that when I was suddenly summoned by the universe to contact my brother Mike. I soon found out that he was in the hospital. I had been unable to reach him or my sister-in-law, Liz due to the fact that all the telephone numbers I had were no longer in service. That alone gave me some angst. I finally sent Liz a message through a social network and shortly thereafter received a phone call. She informed me that Mike needed to be moved from the hospital in Cleveland to a rehab unit the next day, which was really a euphemism for moving him into a long care unit.\r\n\r\nI told her that I would meet her at the hospital to help in any way I could, and to see my brother, for what I was afraid would be the last time. My brother is thirteen years older than I am and was my hero as a youngster. I remember a time when he drove many hours from summer training in the reserves in Kentucky to arrive at home late at night. He was so tired that he fell asleep in the car in the driveway rather than come into the house to sleep. Been there, done that! He had bought me a rubber Indian tomahawk complete with feathers, as a present, He was probably 18-19 which would have made me five or six. I remember being so excited and felt loved

Mike, wearing his wife’s, Pat, wedding veil. He had a great sense of humor in his early years.

Seeing my brother in his condition had a profound effect on me. He was so angry at the world, his wife, Liz, the hospital staff and even me who he had not seen in several years. When I asked him for a hug as I arrived, he flatly stated that I was in cahoots with his wife, who he gave a stare of disgust and hate as we arrived. I soon realized that he was not the person I had previously known in my life. Although I allowed it to initially hurt me, I soon realized that the change that had occurred was a result of dementia, drugs, and strokes that had taken the brother I once knew.  How could I be offended or angry with this new person? I quickly gained my compassion and began to rebuild a relationship with an entity that was not my brother.

Since then I have had several revelations. What grandiose ideas do I harbor that would allow me to think that I could have caused this in any way and that I needed to release my emotional attachment to the past. I was there to make a difference.

My sister Molly had reminded me earlier, that forgiving oneself means to let go of the “hope” that the past could have occurred any differently. It is that hope that we hold onto so tightly that creates the internal pain. The more I remind myself of that understanding, the more content I feel.

I have been able to spend more time with my sister in the last several weeks than in over nearly fifty years. Tonight I had the great opportunity to record her voice explaining how my family came about and some of the best stories. I will be adding that recording to this autobiography soon.

Mom, Mike, Molly, James – 1982

Mike, Pat, Kathy, young Michael

Speak no evil, see no evil, hear no evil!

That visit caused me to pay attention to how I want my later years to pan out. Sometimes examples come into our lives to show us how we don’t want things to be.

My father passed away at age 83 from a stroke. My mom had sat down and written out her goals for the next ten years, the night she passed away in her sleep. Having worked in hospitals for nearly ten years, I had experienced death on many levels. No matter how intellectually we observe death, the emotional side cannot be swept under the carpet, nor depleted from our experience. The fact that we cannot make it out alive means we need to plan for the future before our memories fail and we become a different person than we knew ourselves to be.\r\n\r\nI can only wish that I go quickly, surrounded by loved ones. In the meantime, reason dictates that plan we must.

Thanksgiving 2013 – Canadian

Thanksgiving occurs on two different dates, depending on whether you are in Canada or the US. Canadian Thanksgiving comes first due to the simple fact that fall comes earlier to Canada.

Every year I have attempted to celebrate both holidays, for remembrance and to be able to have a reason to have two festivals of scrumptious meals. My favorite dessert became, over the years, a pumpkin pecan pie with chocolate drizzle and topped with coffee Hagan Daz ice cream. Ummm…

I made this pie for my family and friends in Raleigh, NC to celebrate my Canadian heritage Thanksgiving, October 14, 2013.

Restoring a 1934 Packard Twin Six

Opportunities will often come right up to your face and scream, I’m here, yet many people for whatever reasons, will miss out on some of the best memorable events.  My Dad gave me that opportunity and I jumped on it.

When I was fourteen years old, my Dad gave me the same proposal that he had given my two older brothers; spend the time restoring the 1934 Packard which had been sitting in the garage for some twenty years and it would be mine for $1.  Dad agreed to invest all the money it would take to restore it. It was my job to invest the time. It was 1962 when I started dismantling the car in the garage.

Now, 1962 was the beginning of the British Invasion.  At the time I was working, underage, at two jobs. I worked as a bowling machine mechanic, which meant being behind the machines, ready to spring into action when a bowling ball or pin became lodged and needed a little push.  For that service, I got to hang out with the real mechanic and learn about machinery.  At the same time, I worked the evening shift pumping gas (yes, in those days, an attendant serviced a car with gas, check the oil and washer fluid, clean the windshield, while smiling the whole time) and repairing flat tires at a Shell station next door to the bowling alley.  That job, my Dad didn’t find out about until I had to call him for help. Point being, that I was busy, even at fourteen.  I needed money to impress the girls, but as usual in my life, I was running out of time to do all the things I wanted to. Every available hour I spent in restoring that car taught me a lifetime of experience.

  • When dismantling something, keep the parts separate and label everything you can, because memory, alone, will not work in reassembly. The four bolts that held the front bumper on were all machined individually, which meant the same looking bolt would only thread in one spot.
  • Patience is vital. Letting bolt-release sit for days, returning each day to only apply more breaker juice.  Shearing off the head of a bolt that is threaded into an engine head block, made of solid aluminum, is not an easy, inexpensive repair job.  Thanks, Dad, for loving me…oh, and yes, also for the time I ignored the oil indicator light on the 1955 Chrysler Imperial and the engine seized at the side of the road, and you paid for the towing and the new engine as long as I put it in. And, oh yeah, my first car accident when I didn’t know what you meant by “pump the brakes on wet pavement”.
  • Some people are as thick as a brick. Dad had the Chrysler dealership in Akron complete the repainting of the exterior.  The guy that started stripping the old paint used a lye-based paint remover. He mishandled the material twice, putting him in the hospital, twice, with third-degree burns from the paint remover. The next guy took a sander to it and left marks that took hours to remove.  These were their best specialist painters. They finished applying 16 coats of undercoat, hand sanded between each coat, followed by 12 coats of lacquer that made the most incredibly deep shine. Come to think of it, I think Dad paid $800 and that was overpayment due to the hours the two guys racked up.
  • When something is right, you will know. The frosty spring Saturday morning that Dad and I drove to where the mechanics were prepared to start the engine for the first time in over 20 years.  Two old guys (about three days younger than dirt) had laid on their backs under the Packard, grinding the crankshaft, by hand, because in that engine, the crankshaft could not be removed for servicing.  It was a Norman Rockwell illustration right out of Saturday Evening Post or Esquire Magazine, this old wooden garage, tucked back under some trees, in what had been the repair shop area of Akron some fifty years prior. It was a frosty, yet somehow foggy spring morning.  My Dad insisted on stopping on the way into town at a small store to purchase two lead pencils.  He did not explain until we got to the garage their purpose. Imagine four old guys and my Dad, all proudly looking at this beautifully restored gem from a bygone era, and they gave me the privilege of starting it up. It was then that Dad stood the pencils upright, on the top of the radiator to balance vicariously while I, first, turn the key, and then push the start button on the dash.  I remember so vividly pushing the button and not hearing any engine noise. I was watching Dad, who was watching the pencils – they did not move at all, indicating the engine had been tuned perfectly.  I got out and could hear the hum of that 12 cylinder engine as it just purred into life resurrected.  Dad stood there with the biggest shit eaten grin as he just stared at that engine, along with the mechanics as they all pointed and smiled.  It was a fine day.
  • I think it was the following Saturday that Dad and I went to the auto registry office in Akron and he signed over the ownership to me for the mandatory $1 required as the minimum sale amount for a vehicle. I was sixteen and it had taken me two years to complete the total restoration of a 1934 Packard, Twin Six.  I had completely dismantled it and put it back together and it worked!
  • I can remember many a time when Pop was not home, John and our friends would push the Packard out of the garage and stand on the running boards, pretending that we were Al Capone gangsters. We would take turns pretending we were driving. What childhood fun!
  • I kept that heirloom until a guy walked up my driveway in Columbus, Ohio and offered me enough money to start my trek to Canada that summer of 1973 – but that’s another story, kids.

Prodigal Son Returns

I arrived in Raleigh, NC on Oct 2, 2013 at my sister’s house after a night on the road and twelve hours of final driving with the 5th wheel in tow. Exhausted, yet so excited to be back in the US and with family who love me.

Driving through Pittsburgh and headed to and around DC brought back so many memories of the past. I had driven the route for many reasons previously, having lived and worked in Fairfax, VA, having delivered expedite freight to the east coast, having attended Network 21 functions in DC, having taken the kids to Gettysburg, DC, and Virginia Beach. Great memories are always a pleasure to revisit.

Immediately upon arrival, sister Molly had no trouble coaxing me to retreat to the ocean to find grounding in the waves, sites and sounds of the beach. The two day time we spent together driving to and from the Wilmington area was amazing and calming. We spent more time in each others company than we had in over fifty years.  The sharing of memories of childhood, parents, siblings, friends, and kids re-ignited snippets of humor and tears which are always good for the soul.

Here are a few pictures; On the beach,

Sunrise with storm slowly arriving

Sis and I

My footprints in the sand, stay foolish, Steven Job’s says

Storm arriving

Beach cottages

Visit to aquarium